Wednesday, April 20, 2016

Jim Brown: Aisle 3 (Movie Pitch)

JIM BROWN: AISLE 3
 
     First! Let me state for the record that I am not now nor have I ever met or been in contact with Jim Brown. I am not in contact with his management, his assoiciates, his friends or family. I am using Jim Brown in this piece (written in the form of a movie pitch) because I believe he was one of the  greatest NFL's players, if not the very best player in the NFL's storied history. This piece is purely a sci-fi, fantasy fiction.  I honor Jim Brown just the same. Names of other celebrities mentioned are for reference to the reader.

1. Movie opens with a video describing how science has advanced in developing artificial intelligence and automatrons (life like robots).
2. Scene of  scientists creating a basketball playing automatron.
3. Scientists and owner watch as automatron checks into a 'real' NBA basketball game to play power forward.
4. Automatron powers through the opposing team and dunks on their All-Star Center and current League MVP. Crowd is stunned and falls silent.
5. Game turns into a melee as both NBA Basketball teams beat the (artificial) life out of automatron.(Note: His developers created him a Caucasion.)
6. Movie fast forwards 10 years and explains that the NFL has become too expensive to run. There have been too many star players getting hurt all too often, due to the size of the players and speed of the game.
7. Scientists pitch replacing all the real life athletes with cost effective automatrons. The Owners vote and accept the proposal.
8. With a contract renewal coming up, Owners lock out their players and replace them with a full league of automatrons.
9. One such team in Cleveland has a nerdish (Drew Carey) equipment manager in charge of all the automatrons stored there and throughout the Midwest.
10. He keeps them running, but also has taught a handful to play cards, play music (chamber music) and Trivial pursuit/Scrabble.
11. Jim Brown III, the grandson of legendary football star Jim Brown is awarded the Heisman Trophy. It gets hardly any press. He has no future in professional football. It is noted that college football is mulling over the use of automatrons instead of student athletes, too.
12. Jim Brown III and a few friends decide to sneak into Cleveland's Professional Football Stadium one night. They bring a bottle of champagne to toast the memory of real football players like his grandfather and Jim Brown III's now forgotten future.
13. Seeing them on security cameras, (Drew Carey) catches the intruders using some of the automatrons. Jim Brown III easily zig zags past them. But after seeing his friends caught, he quits and joins them.
14.  (Drew Carey) shocked by Jim Brown III's agility, does not call the authorities. In fact, he gives them a tour of the automatron football hangar.
15. The automatrons are hung in rows and rows, filling a warehouse. The automatrons are all in uniform, but not just the one currently used in Cleveland.
16. The NFL has ordered automatrons created to replicate players and teams from the NFL's past.
17. (Drew Carey) explains that now the 1960 Browns can play the 1974 Dolphins. The 1976 Steelers can play the 1985 Bears.
18. As (Drew Carey) continues his tour,  Jim Brown III comes face to face with an automatron replicant of his grandfather Jim Brown, former star and legend of the Cleveland Browns.
19. The men hatch an idea of replacing replicant Jim Brown with his living grandson.
20. Movie forwards to Jim Brown III speaking to his relatives. All love the idea, except for one dissenting elderly male relative. "You'll get killed!" (Hopefully played by REAL Jim Brown.)
21. (Drew Carey) gets the 'classic' Cleveland Brown automatrons ready to play the 'classic' Green Bay Packers as a Hall of Fame Showcase. A TV event for the world of NFL fans. Jim Brown III takes his place among the automatrons.
22. The game becomes a TV classic as Jim Brown III runs for 200+ yards. (He must remind himself to not celebrate or show emotion, as to give himself away.
23. NFL fans who were slowly losing interest in professional football were intrigued by the new facet to football. Football historians and sports media were ecstatic.
24. Back at his apartment, Jim Brown III is bruised and beaten but happy. He plans to explain to his girlfriend just what he had just done. (Drew Carey) appears at his door to explain that he can't tell anyone. The whole plan might destroy the NFL set-up. The League could fold with the pair suffering unsavory consequences.
25. Jim Brown III and girlfriend have dinner. Afterward, she massages his shoulder and he winces. When she asks him about it, he tells her that he has taken a construction job... at a robotics plant.
26. Next game, some sports writer (Dan Patrick) catches Jim Brown III peeing before heading out to the field. Automatrons will bleed (a quick clotting, oil based mix), but don't urinate.
27. There is now a spreading rumor that a human is playing football mixed in with the automatrons. Crowds sell out each game trying to guess if it is true and who it could be.
28. More college players gravitate toward Jim Brown III. He promises to try and get them into NFL games, too. But they must be conspicuous, know they won't be paid, may get hurt...but they will prove a point. (Drew Carey) dresses more and more of them for each of the following games.
29. The real players want to come out and reveal themselves to the public and the media. They all meet and choose Jim Brown III and (Drew Carey) to be their spokesmen.
30. The plan is to visit the Cleveland Owner's Estate and personally reveal what they have done. When (Drew Carey) and Jim Brown III get there, they are sent away by an automatron security unit (with automatron dobermans patrolling the property).
31. (Drew Carey) has a gadget in his old van that can put an automatron into a deep sleep state. As he uses it on guards and dogs,  Jim Brown III heads toward the house.
32. Music plays from around back of the Manor. Banjo music. Jim Brown III goes to investigate.
33. In a shocking display, Movie reveals that the Cleveland Owner (He is a member of a group of NFL Owners that call themselves 'The Old Guard") has built an automatron plantation setting and has a vast acerage filled automatrons replicants dressed as slaves, and the like, working and doing menial chores for him while answering his beck and call. He is dressed as a  Southern Gentleman in a spotless, all white pre-Civil War period suit and attire.
34. Jim Brown III announces himself. Unfazed and somewhat relieved to be caught, the Owner tries to explain to Jim Brown III his view of just what happened to America when the corporate world took over. The sports stars just had to go... as did all the low level wage earners and welfare lowlifes.
The Corporate elite get even richer by not paying taxes, flagrantly sharing stock tips amongst themselves, merging companies and firing workers. All the while, paying off any politician who get in their way. US prisons were now privately owned sweatshops filled with free labor. Automatrons will take that over in the coming years.
35. Jim Brown III calls him crazy and threatens to expose the Owner's set-up. The Owner pulls out a gun and shoots at Jim Brown III, who ducks away from first 2 bullets, but winged by a third.
36. (Drew Carey) arrives in time to unleash a newly re-programmed doberman on the Owner. Real police arrive (with the Press) soon after. (ESPN) updates the news story.
37. Next game, more live players join in the mix. It's secretly called the 'Independence Game'. The players will all reveal themselves to the world. 'Classic' Cleveland plays 'classic' Baltimore Colts.
38. Jim Brown III smiles as (Drew Carey) comes on the field dressed as Baltimore Colt legend Art Donovan.
39. National Anthem plays...
40. All humans hold their hands over their hearts! (Never done during automatron games)

FINIS


I hope you enjoyed this story © 2016 MJ Ferruzza
If you would like to option this story to make a huge, successful major motion picture, contact me.
If you are Jim Brown or Drew Carey, Dan Patrick and ESPN thank you!
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Live With ... The New Family Dynamic

LIVE WITH ...THE NEW FAMILY DYNAMIC

 First there was Mom & Dad!
Dad was always zinging one liners and telling stories.
Dad loved his old college.
Mom had friends in the Mothers' Club
Neighborhood got tired of Mom always doting on her kids,
taking over functions, singing at events.
Dad and Mom seemed like they were heading for a split...



Dad dumps Mom and gets a trophy wife.
Young, vivacious, full of energy.
Treated Dad like a King!


 As Dad gets older, he wants to spend less time at home.
He wants to go to his fishing cabin.
He wants to travel a bit.
He wants to tinker out in the garage.
_________________________
Trophy Wife looks for a new friend
to help her get over her loneliness.
She finds a strong, virile, exotic friend.

After getting the most of this relationship,
New Boyfriend bolts to a more satisfying
lifestyle with friends who treat him as
a professional colleague instead of
Arm Candy!

Poor Trophy Wife! 
Jilts Hubby. Loses Boyfriend.
On the Prowl... AGAIN!

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Tuesday, April 19, 2016

QUANTUM PHYSICS AND LOVE RELATIONSHIPS

QUANTUM PHYSICS AND LOVE RELATIONSHIPS
     A couple years back, I was invited to hang out with a friend of mine and his girlfriend at a hipster bar in SoBro (South Broad Ripple). When I arrived, I was surprised to find a bevy of young hot 20/30 year olds had joined the party. A couple of these ladies were single with kids. Most were tattooed. All of them could turn heads. And here was this 50+ year old in the midst of these women with absolutely nothing in common (generationally) and fearing would drag this get together to a close. Once my buddy Rudy explained that I was 'an agent', his 'agent' in fact and that I was in commercials, the tide had turned as it had so many times before in so many earlier years. Now, for a moment, I was cool again. (As if I ever lost being cool!)  I was holding court. I was relevant. I was hip.
     Throughout the evening, they would individually buzz around me, as if to give me a private audition. Maybe, a little flirt.
     'Am I hot enough to be in commercials?'
     'Yes! You are! So dump your boyfriend and let's go find a place where we can go look at some etchings!'
     But alas, no! They were looking at me as if I was a man with some sage advice that could inspire them in some way. The topic I came up with that night? Quantum Physics and Quantum Relationships. Here is how it works:
1. In the atomic state, certain measurements do not match what is predicted normally.
2. An atom (or group of them) will perform one way, but put it under a microscope they act differently. As if measuring them made them react differently.
3. Now, relationships can continue on a set path... until one partner or both partners stop to try to figure out where they are in the relationship. In fact, measuring it.
4. The relationship takes a new path when being measured. Always has, always will.
     That was it. I was a Love Doctor... a Gorgeous Gal's Guru. We all shared a laugh. The ladies opened up and started revealing stories of failed relationships, dates, men! My buddy Rudy sat opened mouth as I was holding court.
     Unfortunately, the night for a 50+ year old ends sooner than 30 year old (when the 50+ year old can't wake early to teach kids acting classes after a night with 30 year old hotties any more). I got hugs, a kiss or two.. a couple phone numbers.. and the ego boost I had missed for awhile. Next topic?
Love and time travel!
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Creative Kids Talent Workshop
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Tuesday, March 8, 2016

Creative Kids TV: Sleepy Pie Pillow



Problem with Kids burning the candle from both ends and not getting the
right amount of sleep... except in school? Have them try the Sleepy Pie
Pillow from Creative Kids. Messy and good laughs... all the way to
detention!